


Just For...

by CrazyLabRat



Series: A Life Worth Living [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-13 20:11:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16025144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyLabRat/pseuds/CrazyLabRat
Summary: (Warning: Rated for non descriptive torture and violence)I want to hurt him, that man... the one who did this to such an amazing, and beautiful person.No, I want to do so much more than just cause him something so temporary as physical pain.Mizuki doesn't deserve mercy.He doesn't deserve to live.





	Just For...

_**I want to** _  
_**Take his eyes out** _  
_**Just for looking at you** _  
_**Yes, I do** _

I've paced this hallway over at least a hundred times now. I can't go in, because he's not asleep yet. The medic said he'd never remember my visit anyway, he's on some powerful stuff, but I can't risk it. He'd want to know why I'm here. 

We're not friends. 

We're not anything. 

But I can't sit still and do nothing. 

_**And I want to take his hands off  
Just for touching you  
Yes, I do** _

I wasn't  _here_. 

I was off on a mission, and I wasn't here to protect him. 

He could've died. 

He should be paralyzed... but he was lucky. The blow just managed to miss his spinal column, and he got help in time thanks to Naruto. 

Anger wasn't a strong enough word to describe what I felt when I heard, or what I still feel. 

Unadulterated boiling rage is closer, but still not enough. 

I want to hurt him, that man... the one who did this to such an amazing and beautiful person. 

No, I want to do so much more than just cause him something so temporary as physical pain. 

Mizuki doesn't deserve mercy. 

He doesn't deserve to live.

**And I want to rip his heart out  
** _**Just for hurting you**_  
 _ **And I want to break his mind down**_  
 _ **Yes, I do**_

Iruka's finally asleep when I sneak in around twilight. I hide, tucked away into the shadows of his room... watching over him while he sleeps. 

He's on his stomach, the bed he lay upon flat, his head supported by a folded blanket rather than a pillow. 

I wanted so desperately to feel his skin, it's warmth against my palm, and his heartbeat. But I refrained. It's not my place to touch such a beautiful man. I'd only sully him further. 

I take great comfort in every breath he draws in, instead. 

But that rage is by no means tempered. 

_**And I want to make him regret life  
Since the day he met you  
Yes, I do** _

The Hokage eyed me with unveiled interest as he slowly lifted his pipe to his lips. 

"Ibiki-san is more than capable of conducting the interrogation. And you know well his penchant for privacy in such matters. He prefers to work alone."

I smiled disarmingly, though we both knew he couldn't see it. 

I thought it would serve me best to hide behind my jovial mask. 

"That may be true, Hokage-sama, but we both know that I'm uniquely qualified in this instance to extract information. And I'm certainly motivated to do so."

He leaned back a little further in his seat and regarded me with sincere curiosity. 

"I have never in all my years as Hokage seen you volunteer to interrogate any enemy. You've done it, I am well aware, and have succeeded every time... but you always attempted to pass along such duties to others. Even when you were ANBU. Why him? Why now?"

I simply continued to smile at him silently. 

He sighed, nodded once, and waved me away. 

_**And I want to make him take back  
All that he took from you  
Yes, I do** _

It's close to dawn by the time I return to Iruka's hospital room. 

The meeting with the Hokage had run long, with the steady blanket of silence surrounding our conversation. The long pauses held many meanings. Not the least of which being that it kept me away that much longer. 

I would lament it all, but it had to be done. 

I slipped in through the window easily, and returned to my place within the shadows in the corner of the room. 

"Good evening... I don't know why you're hiding, and I may be on some seriously potent meds, but I'm still sharp enough to know you're there."

I blinked in surprise and slowly crossed my arms over my chest, half defensive and half defiance. 

He couldn't prove I was here... He certainly couldn't move to investigate. And while I'm surprised he could sense my presence at all, he couldn't possibly identify me. I simply don't have to say anything and he'd never know who had come to his bedside. 

He sighed, sounding very put upon. 

"Hatake-san, there really is no need to hide, you can visit with me anytime you like... You're welcome here. So, what can I do for you?"

I may have jumped at the sound of my name, and as such, I was glad he couldn't see me yet. I did step out of the shadows a moment later though. 

He'd invited me in, now. I'd be a fool to decline such an invitation. And while I am a great many things, a fool isn't one of them. 

"How are you feeling, Iruka-sensei?"

His face, when he registered my voice, bloomed into a wide if a little disoriented smile. It grew further still when I sat beside him in a chair by his bedside so that he could see me as well. 

"Better than one would expect. It's good to see you. I assume your mission went well? You look rested and healthy... I'm glad." 

He shifted weakly but continued to smile and spoke two more soft words into the air.  

"Welcome home."

**And I want to rip his heart out  
** _**Just for hurting you**_

I leaned forward and offered him a smile of my own, though it was more than a touch sad... I supposed it was fine since he couldn't see it anyways. 

Even in this state, he showed such concern for everyone, even someone as dirty as me. Such a caring soul. It makes me want to kill Mizuki all the more. More than I've ever wanted to kill anyone else in my life. And there have been a few others. 

"I'm gone for two days and all hell breaks loose around here... Perhaps I should stay closer to home for a while. It... it shouldn't have happened. If I'd been here..."

He cut me off, very gently, and reached out for one of the hands I had resting upon my knees. I let him grasp my fingers and squeeze. 

"If you had been here, then he may have simply waited until you weren't, it all still would've happened eventually. Just in a different way. Mizuki was planning to betray this village no matter what. It does no good to dwell on the things you cannot change. I, I should've seen the signs, I thought he was my... my friend... but there is nothing I can think of that I could've done differently. And even if there was, I wouldn't have. Naruto is safe. And he passed... and you should have seen him. He is so much more than anyone has ever given him credit for. Even me. If you hadn't taught me how to properly see him in the first place, he may have died yesterday... you've done enough. You did more for the both of us than I can ever repay." 

I didn't miss the way he'd paused before he'd called Mizuki his friend. He'd been much more than that. But I wasn't supposed to know. I wasn't supposed to know how deeply Iruka had been betrayed. I wasn't supposed to know that Iruka had thought they'd been in love. I wasn't supposed to know that they'd been together for almost a year, and that Iruka had given Mizuki everything... body, heart, and soul. 

But I've known all along. 

_**And I want to break his mind down** _   
_**Yes, I do, yes, I do** _   
_**Yes, I do** _

I've known since they began, because I've been watching him for years now. 

I've watched him smile and grow and morph into this precious ray of hope and sunlight that inspired everyone he came across to be better. It soothed me to my very core... Knowing a soul like his existed on this earth, and so near to me. 

It gave me hope for the future. 

"I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei. You didn't deserve this. You deserve devotion. Loyalty. Kindness. Respect. You deserve  _better_."

He smiled sadly and dropped his gaze to the floor between us. His hand shook lightly over mine.

Whether it was from the sadness over Mizuki or at my obvious knowledge of their hidden relationship, I wasn't sure. He didn't question how I knew though. 

"I wasn't loyal to him. I think that may have been a factor. I didn't... I didn't betray him in actions, but my heart wasn't his, and he knew. He knew exactly where my affections were aimed. He made sure to tell me so."

I blinked in surprise once more as his eyes finally lifted to meet mine. I knew nothing of this other interest. Which made little sense. 

_I_ should know. 

How could that pile of wretched scum know, when I do not?

"Well, clearly he wasn't the person you needed. If you were drawn to someone else... Someone who treats you well, it was because Mizuki was lacking something vital as a human being. Not because you were."

He chuckled softly. 

"The one who caught me, and my attention... he, he makes me a better person. He makes me  _want_  to do better. He doesn't point out my flaws and dig at them. He helps me to set them right... He is kind. He is definitely loyal to this village, and so, I think he would be devoted to the one he loves even more so. He is far better than Mizuki could ever hope to be. I... I simply doubt he'd want someone so plain as me. He probably doesn't like men anyhow. So I intended to keep my thoughts and affections to myself."

I frowned. Because no. 

Whoever the lucky son of a bitch was, he'd want Iruka. Surely he only needed to know of Iruka's feelings and he would succumb easily. 

"Tell him. This life is short, and full of pain and sadness. Take any chance at happiness you can find. I'm sure if you tell him, whoever he is, he'd surprise you. You don't know how many in this village love you already... I can't think of a single person who wouldn't be happy knowing that they hold your heart."

A nurse came in, and injected something into his IV, giving me a small nod of acknowledgement. It was the only warning I recieved.

The sedative was clearly fast acting, as he blinked several times a moment later. He fought sleep for as long as he could, by laughing and gently squeezeing my fingers once more. 

"You know, for a genius, you can be pretty dumb sometimes, Hata-..."

He passed out before he could even finish his sentence. I took a beat to process. The words he'd muttered were so heavy with implication, I wasn't sure they'd been real for a short moment.

When they finally fully sank in, I was left with a curious mix of stunned jubilant elation and crippling burning fury. 

He hurt  _my_  Iruka. 

_**And I want to rip his heart out  
Just for hurting you**_

I was summoned from my apartment, an hour later, by Ibiki himself. I'd known I would be, and so I'd left Iruka to rest in peace, while I'd gone home to wait.

Ibiki for his part said nothing of his displeasure at my interference in procedure for the interrogation of a hostile traitor. 

But he didn't need to. We know each other well enough. Though he probably found my sudden interest in this particular case quite suspect... He wouldn't ask after it. So it didn't matter to me.

Let him think what he likes. 

All that mattered was that only ten minutes later, I was with Mizuki. He cackled hysterically when I entered the interrogation chamber. 

"Oh, of _course_ it's you. It's always fucking you, isn't it?"

I smiled viciously, letting my killing intent fill the room, along with my chakra. He froze, paralyzed by it. Pure fear filled his eyes in what seemed to me to be slow motion. 

My grin only grew wider, and I stepped closer. 

There was no need to answer inquiries from a pile of talking pig shit. 

"I think we can start with getting you to scream... then later, maybe once I'm satisfied, I'll ask you some questions."

I lifted my hitai-ate to reveal my sharingan and set to work. 

And _oh_ , but he did scream for me.

He begged too. 

For _ages_. 

Which was ridiculously satisfying on a number of levels.

But it was far too late for his pleas by then... I'd already decided that he deserved no mercy. 

It took only an hour to break him. 

He spilled everything he could think to, anything that might get me to pause, if only for a moment. 

Our alone time didn't stop for another thirty two hours after that, though.

He wasn't able to understand much of anything said to him by the end. 

But I'd left him alive and physically whole, which was far more than he deserved. 

_**And I want to break his mind down  
Yes, I do, yes, I do  
Yes, I do, yes, I do ** _

I know I'm not good enough for Iruka... but I know I'm better than Mizuki. I should feel ashamed at myself, probably. But I simply can't bring myself to dwell upon it. 

I would treasure Iruka, love him, and support him. 

I'd protect him with my life, and shield him as much as possible from the pain life would inevitably throw at him.

Things will hurt him, and make him cry... I can't stop that. But I'll never let him feel so alone again. 

I'll be there for him. 

Every day. 

With that in mind, I returned to his bedside, to watch him sleep once more. 

My own rest could wait. Heavens know I've gone much longer without sleep. 

I wanted to touch him again. To assure myself that he really was still here with me. 

I whispered words I'd never imagined I'd say into air instead. 

"Our future together is going to be happy, Iruka. I promise. I'm not perfect, and I'll definitely make mistakes, but I'll always treat you well, and I'll love you with everything still good and whole inside me... And when you look back on all of this, years from now, you'll smile because it won't hurt you anymore."

His eyes remained closed, but he reached out for me so suddenly that I nearly choked. I'd had no idea that he was awake, but it seemed he was only just barely so. It was a heartbeat before I recovered enough to take his questing hand in mine. But when I did, his lovely voice filled the air between us. 

"That sounds pretty perfect to me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It would be years before I gathered up the courage to tell him what I'd done to Mizuki. 

But he would hold me while I tell him, and forgive me without question, pause, or hesitation. 

And our lives together definitely weren't perfect.

We fought over silly things, often, though we never went to bed angry. 

He almost lost me more than once.

It hurt him every time it happened, until I finally gave in and retired to simply teaching. 

It was boring sometimes, as I missed combat. I'd get restless often. 

But every day with him was spent well, and filled with love. 

And that part more than made up for the rest.

 

~~~~~~Owari~~~~~~

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my duckies!
> 
> I have been away for much too long, and I'm sorry!
> 
> But I have many things to post. This just happened to be finished first. 
> 
> This is a short weird piece that came to me after restarting the series again, and listening to the song Just For, by Nickleback on my way to school the following day. 
> 
> I have a couple of other KakaIru fics in the works, as well as some chapters to upload for some of my older ones. 
> 
> *I may make this into a song-fic series of their relationship over time. But for now, it's complete.
> 
> If you loved it, hated it, or whatever... let me know!
> 
> Ah, but it's good to be back. 
> 
> ~The Lab Rat


End file.
